About me: Former child and current menace. I serve as Director of Strategic Nonsense at The Institute for Advanced Tomfoolery and graduated from The University of Questionable Decisions with a minor in Unsupervised Activities. In 2017, I was legally declared "someone else's problem" by three separate municipalities. I enjoy collecting shiny objects, giving bad advice with unreasonable confidence, and staring into the refrigerator as if new food might magically spawn. My hobbies include overthinking, underachieving, and accidentally joining internet arguments that have been ongoing since 2009. If found unattended, do not approach. Leave a trail of snacks and back away slowly.
Country: United States
Hometown: Dysfunction Junction
City: Poor Decision Heights
School: The University of Questionable Decisions
Job: Director of Strategic Nonsense
Here for: Videos That Start With "Hold My Beer"
Favorite Sex categories: My favorite sex categories include people falling off boats, bad parking decisions, conspiracy theories involving birds, shopping cart physics, Florida Man classics, squirrels with criminal intent, lawn mower mishaps, unnecessary use of fire, the Hold My Beer archives, unexpected explosions, forklift incidents, competitive poor decisions, people who definitely need adult supervision, emotional support alligators, wildlife choosing violence, things that sound expensive, and professional amateurism.
Favorite ideal sex partner: Sofia Vergara (who is strangely not returning my calls)
My Erogenic Zones: My erogenous zones include the mute button during a Zoom meeting, freshly installed smoke detector batteries, hearing "your call is very important to us," the smell of a new book, airport moving walkways, successfully plugging in a USB on the first try, a lawn mowed in perfect straight lines, finding matching Tupperware lids, an empty email inbox, the Skip Ad button, and turning the pillow over to the cold side.
Turn ons: The cold side of the pillow, successfully plugging in a USB on the first try, hotel water pressure, an empty email inbox, and the Skip Ad button appearing immediately.
Turn offs: My turn-offs include empty ice cube trays, printer error messages, people who clap when the plane lands, stepping on a Lego, wet socks, low battery warnings, being told "we need to talk," fruit stickers that won't peel off cleanly, tiny hotel pillows, group projects, and mosquitoes.
